As I was flipping through the channels yesterday, I noticed that CNN was replaying the old Disney classic, The Ugly Duckling.
Then I realized it was just their coverage of the Chelsea Clinton wedding.
The reporter kept describing the event (which some have estimated at almost $5 million) as a “fairy tale.”
And I kept thinking, “Yes! I’ve heard this story before! …Now when does she become the beautiful swan?”
Of course those who know me best know of my deep-seeded fascination with and respect for the Clintons.
Whether it’s because of our shared Southern roots or the fact that he was president during my most formative years, I’ve always respected and enjoyed the Clinton perspective on the welfare of our union.
But even I can’t ignore the inherent humor of Bubba & Family.
So after watching the coverage of daughter Chelsea’s marriage to investment banker Marc Mezvinsky on Saturday in Rhinebeck, NY, I decided to take a trip down memory lane.
The first memory I have of Chelsea is of seeing her on inauguration day in 1993, grinning from frizz to frizz one moment and then nodding off the next. The whirlwind event had caught up with the young girl.
I watched the event live from Mrs. Oral’s third grade classroom at Grenada’s Carrie Dotson Elementary. I was one of the few in my classroom to vote for Mr. Clinton in our school-wide election a few months earlier, so I was quite proud to have picked the winner correctly in the first presidential election I could really remember.
My limited reasoning behind selecting Clinton stemmed from a series of blurbs Nickelodeon ran in-between their vaunted cartoon schedule. The quick-hit commercials showed both Clinton’s and George Bush’s stances on several issues, especially ones affecting kids.
I don’t remember the issues, but I remember liking Clinton’s ideas.
Now at the time, I really didn’t think Chelsea looked much worse than most of my similarly-southern and similarly-awkward grade school classmates. As a kid who never could quite get the girl, I’d have sure given that orange ball of hair and teeth a shot.
Later that month, during a semi-regular visit to my mom’s folks in Pearl, I heard my mother and my grandmother (we call her Mimi) discussing the inauguration. I was already curious about all things political, so I stopped firing plastic pizzas (from my official Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Pizza Thrower) at my sister long enough to listen to the conversation.
I remember Mom saying how nice it all was and how tired Chelsea must have been. Then I remember my Mimi, who I’m pretty sure wouldn’t vote for Jesus if he ran Democrat, saying to my mother, “It’s a good thing that poor girl is rich. She sure ain’t gonna win any beauty contests.”
Fast forward almost twenty years and here we are. While others have grown up and transformed themselves into beautiful Southern belles, poor little Chelsea is, though improved, still struggling.
I couldn’t help but chuckle to myself after reading this passage from a CNN story after the wedding:
When Bill Clinton was seen in Rhinebeck earlier this week, someone asked him if his daughter was going to look beautiful on Saturday.
“She looks beautiful every day to me,” the beaming father said.
But then we all know Slick Willy never did have much taste in women.
The fact that Chelsea’s chosen suitor is Jewish had to be a tough pill for her mother to swallow. Just over a decade ago, a Clinton and a Jew were making headlines too, but of a far more scandalous variety.
In an ironic twist of fate, now it’s the suave, rich Jew settling for the homely Clinton, not the other way around.
Life’s funny that way, eh?
Perhaps somewhere in bowels of a makeup factory, Monica Lewinsky is crying over her tea leaves.
But in all sincerity I couldn’t be happier for Chelsea, who seems remarkably well-adjusted given how unconventional both her parents and her upbringing have been.
Chelsea’s wedding, and the fact that she seems to be genuinely happy, give hope to many other Ugly Ducklings that they too might find true love.
Courtney Love, Amy Winehouse, and Rosie O’Donnell will all sleep better tonight.
I know I certainly will.
